According to my boss, I should probably be asleep but I've just had so many things running through my mind.
First, I think Provo Utah (or just Utah in general) is corrupting and distorting my mind. It's like this whole "Lets all get married at 18, have first kid at 19, and then have 10 more while we're at it to complete our big happy family". It's almost like a contagious disease. Seriously. What if I don't feel like getting married right away? What if I want to get married around say 26, have kids a couple years AFTER I'm married so I can enjoy time with my husband, and what if I only want 2 kids. Is that SO wrong? And then when you date a guy for more than 4 months and you're not serious and thinking about getting engaged within the next month, then all of a sudden he's "not the right guy". Not everyone is the same. I honestly once had someone tell me that I'd know when I found the right guy because things would go "very fast". As in date for a few months and then BAM get married. First off, WRONG. Secondly, that may be how some people work, but given circumstances and life experiences I've had, I would definitely rather be single the rest of my life than to marry someone after dating them for less than a year. End of story. I know I know I've heard how "dangerous" that is and all, and I get where you're coming from, but that's what I feel is important. Seriously, the first couple of months is the puppy love stage anyway.
I wanna live my life, be able to make decisions for myself, go places I want, randomly travel without having to worry about someone else's finances on top of my own. Experience life, nature, the beauty of the earth. Hike the Himalayas, Navigate the Nile, Gaze over the Great Wall, Sail the Seven Seas. Love and be loved by many, make a difference in the world by brightening people's day.
You will be with that one person for eternity. Too many people I feel get married to someone before they really know themselves. I need to know and understand myself before having the responsibility of someone else. I need to learn who I am. In order to do so I need to have the freedom to fly. I need to test limits, expand horizons, learn life lessons. The more I feel like I have a place and purpose in the world the more satisfied I am with life. The daily little instances that add up to the big picture of who LINDSAY is. The boss that recognizes your hard work and perseverance, the friend who encourages and uplifts, the family members who push you to succeed. The drive, the desire, the yearning to be the best you can be, and when you've found that person, that, right there is a feeling beyond description. When you finally know, YOU. That's when life can move forward.
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